Rumors say that Samantha Stretch is in fact half Japanese, half Polish. Her mother was a harajuku girl whose passport stated milkmaid as profession. Her father was a Polish butcher who secured a well fed childhood for his big boned daughter.
The family emigrated to Sweden where Samantha's father was appointed as the head butcher at the Polish Sausage Embassy in Stockholm.
Although Samantha enjoyed all the trimmings of a loving family home she was hungry for more. On her 18th birthday Sammy decided that Stockholm wasn't big enough for her wide imagination.
Nothing screams Ricky Lake style remake like a bit of hair dye AND a swift name change. Samantha went from brunette to super blondie, abandoned her birth name Krysztyna Kielbasa (Krysztyna Sausage in polish) and learned the art of consuming a lippy. Bucket loads of it.
Sammy worked uber hard to fulfill her wet dream: tranzcontinental airline ticket. She jammed that coin slot with all sorts of dirty coinage. No coin rejected.
It didn't take long before this plus-sized model embarked on a voyage to a new life in the promised land down under. The Australian border control had been pre warned of Europe's proudest house wife's arrival.
A thorough cavity search set the benchmark for what later on in life created legends. Mrs Stretch learned from that start in Australia no cavity is to deep and no job to hard, you get in there, you get the job done and before you can let your hair down knock back a cold bevvie or two.
Samantha set up camp in Melbourne and decided to follow her fathers diplomatic ambitions by becoming the Aussie rep for Euro Trashlandia.
Every house wife has a hobby. Between bleach spray cleaning her house to perfection Sammy has a deeply developed appreciation for anything involving rockbands. Whether it was an actual band member, a roadie, or another fan of a band, Sammy always had someone getting her another drink and never had to walk home alone.
Very soon she gained super star status in the global groupie community. No gig was complete without some strethism thrown into it. Melbourne disco punk rocker unit The Blow Waves got smitten by the Sammy magic and soon installed Samantha as their head band mole/band mascot/spokes wo(man).It wasn't long before the Stretch avalanche torpedoed through Australia soon to spilling over to Europe, America and beyond.
What is her motivation? What gets this inspirational icon out of bed? How does she deliver 100% pure camp on daily basis? Sammy says: "I'm doing it for the kids"
When asked about a deeper meaning to her existence Sammy states: "You see Darlinka CAAAAMP is a lifestyle, a simple survivor technique. It's the perfect antidote to the ugly world we live in"
She finishes up with "You can do it. Get in on it. Get involved. Tomorrow you may die and then what you gonna do? Dress for success Darlinkas life is to short not to".
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